A Letter to You as I have Just Died

Don’t cry, human. I know it may have hurt you a little (or a lot) that you have just found out about my death out of nowhere. But understand that this is how it is.

Just know that I was ready for this. I was ready for not having a cup of tea with you at ‘Robin Mamar Dokan’. I was ready for not receiving a call from you to listen to how your day was. I was ready for not having a dream. I was ready to meet my father again.

But now I miss lots of things. I miss your laughter. I miss your eyes. I miss myself. I miss being me and I miss you being you. I miss listening to music. I miss the sea and the mountains. I miss the feeling of breathing in fresh air, or breathing in general. I miss walking with you and suddenly stopping to take a cup of tea, and I miss the angry face you make when I steal the right side of the seat of a rickshaw as you wanted the right seat because your right cheek had some blemishes which you wanted to hide for some time. I won’t do the same from now on as you have never liked it. I miss pizza and you. I miss your smell. I miss my mother, my family, and you, of course.

I am sorry that I won’t be there to look after you, mother. Well, its not me who decided to die, its just how it is. I hope you have the strength to move forwards.

Was my life worth it? Well, I am happy that I tried to hold slight impacts on people’s lives. I made some of them happy which somehow magically made me happy. I am happy that I could make you feel good at times. You gave meaning to my life. You are the reason to my happiness. Thank you. There was sadness too. But I am happy that there was sadness to make me truly understand happiness.

I wasn’t a good person, obviously. No one is absolutely good. I made some of you feel bad, sometimes. Sometimes I was a bad son, a bad friend, a bad lover, a bad human. Forgive me for that. Forgive me as I won’t be bad anymore, as I won’t make you feel sad anymore, forgive me as I won’t exist anymore.

Ironically, I think I just made you sad enough. Sorry for that as I was a melancholic soul after all.

By the way, how was your day? Perhaps its from a random guy but just asking QQ. Are you happy? I have nothing to do right now, you know. So I have decided to do one thing. I will be watching you. Scary right? But I will be watching you day and night. Please don’t make me sad. Make me happy. Be happy. Make others happy.

Don’t worry, we will meet again. Until then, live a happy life. No? At least for me? Please?